


Avatar is Your Go-To Movie for Everything

by gleefulfan



Category: Glee
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2011-06-11
Updated: 2011-06-11
Packaged: 2017-10-26 06:09:20
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 7,556
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/279597
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/gleefulfan/pseuds/gleefulfan
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Kurt notices that Sam looks a bit ill and decides to help out.  </p>
            </blockquote>





	Avatar is Your Go-To Movie for Everything

One of the last few weeks of school had just finished and the hallways were filled with students rushing to leave school as soon as possible. Kurt was looking to leave quite yet though, he was looking for a certain someone, a certain someone who mess of blond hair made him easily visible from across the masses. He headed over towards Sam, catching up to him easily enough since Sam seemed to be moving at barely half-speed today. Kurt had noticed him looking pale and sweaty and very un-Sam like during Glee club earlier and wanted to check in on him before they both left for the weekend. Sam noticed him and gave him a weak smile as Kurt fell into step beside him before sneezing violently into his arm.

“Sam, are you feeling alright? You looked like you were about to fall over in Glee Club for a minute there.”

“Nah, I’m fine,” Sam replied just before a coughing fit overtook him. Once he was finally able to stop he started talking again. “It’s probably just like allergies or a cold or whatever.”

Kurt tried to not roll his eyes at Sam’s denial. “Listen, I mean this in the best way possible, but you look and sound terrible. You should really go home and rest. I could even pick up some medicine for you if you needed?”

Sam smiled again, but this time it was that sad smile Kurt had seen all too often from Sam in recent months. “I wish, but I’ve got to head to work tonight and then I’m babysitting Stevie and Stacey all this weekend. But I don’t think it’s that bad, I’ll probably be ok in a day or two.”

“You can’t be around your siblings like this, you’ll risk getting them sick too, not to mention that running after them all day is not exactly going to help you get better. And you really shouldn’t be around food like this anyway. Don’t try to be Superman, Sam.”

“I appreciate your concern, really, but I don’t have a choice.” Sam sneezed again but kept talking. “I can’t not show up and risk getting fired. And I have to take care of the kids because my mom’s out of town and my dad still has to work weekends at his new job.”

Sam’s words couldn’t help but tug at Kurt’s heartstrings- it was just so typically _Sam_ to insist on taking care of everything and everyone else before thinking about himself. “But you have to take care of yourself too Sam, you won’t be any good to anyone with pneumonia or something.”

“I’ll take some vitamins I promise. I’m sorry, I really have to go, I can’t be late.” Sam grabbed onto Kurt’s arm and squeezed it lightly, in what had somehow developed into their thing (intimate but not _too_ intimate). “I’ll see you Monday, ok?”

“Fine, go ahead, see you later,” Kurt said and Sam turned and headed off toward the family car he used whenever he was working that day. But as Kurt stood and watched Sam leave, the gears in his head were already turning, plans forming. Sam had been nothing but wonderful for months- with his family, with his job, with Glee club- and it was ridiculous that he couldn’t even take a couple days to get healthy. Well Kurt wasn’t going to just let Sam exhaust himself and get even sicker, whether Sam liked it or not.

He spun and turned towards the navigator, already pulling out his phone and dialing Finn’s number.

**

Sam wasn't sure what was going on when the owner pulled him aside after one of his deliveries, but he wasn't going to ask any questions after he was told him to go home and not tell anyone that he'd worked that day. Truthfully, Sam knew he was pretty sick- he had felt horrible since waking up and could barely keep his eyes open all day but what he'd told Kurt was the true too. He had to go to work, he had to go to school, and he had to take care of Stevie and Stacey. His family was counting on him and he couldn't just let them down because he felt bad.

Sam trudged out the back door of the restaurant and headed over to where he had parked, only to find Kurt's SUV blocking him in and Kurt and Finn leaning against it, presumably waiting for him. Kurt had that Cheshire Cat grin that meant that something was going on, which always made Sam a little bit nervous and a little bit excited.

Sam opened his mouth to say something but ended up coughing instead while the other two looked on sympathetically. Eventually he stopped and was able to rasp out, "What are you guys doing here?"

"You didn't think I was just going to let our conversation earlier go, did you?" Kurt asked. “We're here to make sure you get better."

Finn piped up to add, "Yeah man, Kurt told me what was going on and we want to help."

"But how did you guys know I was going to get out early?" Sam asked. It was two and a half hours before his shift typically ended. "Unless . . . Kurt what did you do?"

" _I_ didn't do anything. However, an intrepid local blogger may have called your employer to let him know about a food poisoning outbreak at McKinley and inquire as to whether he had any students working today." Kurt shrugged. "Who knows how these things get started? That’s not important though, what’s important is that Rachel has already called your Dad to let him know that she and Finn would be babysitting this weekend and Finn's going to drive your car home. And you, mister, are coming with me."

Sam just stared at Kurt with wide eyes while Kurt explained what was going on. He wanted to hug Kurt, to bury his face in Kurt's shoulder and cry at how much kindness and caring the other boy was showing him. But Finn was right there and he didn't want to make a scene and he didn’t really know how Kurt would react to something like that anyway. So after (yet another) sneeze he simply said, "Well, I guess I don't have a choice, do I?"

"Good answer." Kurt took Sam's bag and put it in the Navigator while Sam pulled out his keys and handed them to Finn. Then Sam climbed into the passenger side and sunk down into the comfortable seat. Within minutes he was asleep.

**

Kurt went over Finn's job with him - specifically to pick up some things Sam would need the apartment and have Rachel bring both Finn and Sam's stuff back home - and then sent him on his way. Then he opened the car door to get into the driver's seat, unsure of how Sam would actually feel about being (very nicely) kidnapped without Finn as a buffer. He didn't need to worry though, as Sam's eyes were already closed and he was softly snoring before they had even left the parking lot.

Kurt drove towards his house in silence, occasionally stealing glances at Sam's sleeping form in the seat beside him. He really is beautiful, Kurt thought despite himself. Sam confused Kurt, more than Blaine ever had. With Blaine, the only real question was whether or not he liked Kurt back. Other than that Kurt found Blaine to be fairly predictable, which he guessed was kind of the problem. Not that he didn’t still care about Blaine, but it seemed like only a few months into their relationship the excitement was already gone. Even when Blaine told Kurt that he loved him, it felt so very rote and by-the-book and just plain _boring_ that Kurt could hardly get the words back out in response. And the fact that Kurt said those three words when he wasn’t even sure he meant them troubled him more than he cared to think about.

But with Sam, Kurt all too often felt unsteady, like he was on a thrill ride that was calm at the moment but could nosedive at any point. He _knew_ Sam was straight, had watched him date girl after girl, but sometimes Sam would just look at him with this intense gaze and everything else would just melt away. Since coming back from New York, Kurt, had had more and more trouble tamping down these thoughts and he wasn’t sure what to do about it. The entire New York trip had been amazing and it just felt so right being there with the rest of the club, he hardly even thought about Blaine. And when he’d had lunch with Sam and Mike and Tina in Time Square, everything just felt _right_. It was so easy to pretend that Sam was more than just an amazing, funny, caring friend and they were living in New York and having the time of their lives.

He sighed as he turned the car into the driveway. At this point he was pretty sure he and Blaine weren’t going to make it for the long-haul and certainly not to New York (the idea that he was seriously thinking that only weeks ago was crazy). So maybe someday he’d find a guy similar to Sam who would want him back, obviously not in Lima or probably all of Ohio, but there were like thousands of gay guys in New York, right? One of them had to be sweet and adorable and dorky and willing to date Kurt.

He leaned over to shake Sam awake. “Hey, we’re here.”

Sam's eyes opened slowly and he mumbled "Kurt?" under his breath. He looked around to try and get his bearings, smiling softly when he locked gazes with Kurt. "Hey."

"We’re at my house. Can you make it inside?"

"Huh? Oh wait, I remember now. Yeah I'm ok." He climbed out of the car slowly but steadily and Kurt led him inside. No one else was home so Kurt led him straight upstairs to his room, which of course contained the most comfortable bed in the house.

“You need to rest, so you’re just going to sleep here tonight, ok? No distractions, no siblings, just sleep for as long as you need to.” Sam looked like he was about to argue the point but another coughing fit overtook him and by the end of it, he just nodded and started untying his shoes.

“I’m gonna go grab something from Finn’s room for you to sleep in.” Kurt went across the hallway to Finn’s room and pulled out some gym shorts and a (hopefully clean) t-shirt from the dresser. He walked back over to his own room to find Sam . . . shirtless and clumsily pulling off his jeans. Kurt figured this wasn’t a big deal to Sam since he was probably naked in the locker room all the time and didn’t think anything of it, and Kurt had basically forced him to sleep in Kurt’s room, but he hadn’t really thought this part through. Kurt knew Sam was gorgeous but now he was practically naked in Kurt’s bedroom and wrong or not this image was never going to be erased from his brain.

“Here you go,” Kurt said handing Sam the clothes and trying as hard as possible to act naturally. Sam took the clothes and pulled the gym shorts over the soft gray cotton boxer-briefs he was wearing. I guess you don't need exciting underwear when you look like _that_ , Kurt thought idly as Sam pulled on the t-shirt and crawled into the bed. Kurt managed to get the covers out from under Sam and tucked around him with minimal fuss. "Sleep as long as you need, ok?"

"Mm'kay, thanks Kurt," Sam said, eyes already closed again. As Kurt watched Sam drift off back to sleep his heart ached for a myriad of reasons, but he found he didn't mind the feeling.

**

Sam slowly became aware of an incredibly soft pillow his face was pressed into and a really comfortable mattress the rest of him was on top of. This was definitely not the motel, or the new apartment, or even his old house. He turned over slowly and looked around and soon everything came rushing back to him.

He was in Kurt's room, in his bed, because Kurt had given up his weekend and gone to great lengths just to make sure he was okay. And it had worked, or at least started to. Sam could tell that he was still sick but he felt human again, not like some kind of zombie or broken-down robot. He shifted to sit up and stretched his back and neck cracking from too many hours in the same position. Sam wondered if he should go find Kurt or just stay in bed; maybe Kurt wasn't even home. After all, Kurt had already gone miles above and beyond just being a good friend, he hardly needed to stay and babysit Sam all day if he had other things to do.

And _oh god_ Sam had just remembered that he’d stripped down to his underwear in front of Kurt. It shouldn’t be a big deal, it’s not like Finn and Puck hadn’t seen him like that plenty of times, but he couldn’t help feeling embarrassed that Kurt had seen him. And in three-dollar Walmart underwear no less, Kurt was probably mortified something like that had even been in his room.

Sam was just about to get up and search for someone in the house (hopefully Kurt or Finn as opposed to Mr. Hummel) when the door opened quietly and Kurt poked his head in. "Hey, you're awake! Thank goodness, I was beginning to wonder if something was wrong."

"How long was I out for?" Sam asked, rubbing his eyes clear and still trying to wake up fully.

"Well, it's 11 am now and I think you fell asleep around 9:30, so probably close to 14 hours." Kurt walked over to the bed and sat down on the corner of it as he answered, and for a moment Sam thought he was going to lie down beside Sam on the bed, which Sam suddenly really wanted him to do. But Kurt didn’t and Sam buried the thought and kept the conversation going.

"Wow, I don't think I've ever slept that long before. I guess I needed it, huh?"

Kurt smirked at that. "Not to say I told you so, but yes you did. Now, have you been having any stomach problems or are you ok to eat something?"

The mere mention of food made Sam’s mouth water. "No, nothing like that, it's all been my head and throat and stuff. I'm starving actually."

“Great, Finn brought over some clothes and your toothbrush and stuff from when he dropped your car off. So I’ll go get some food started while you get ready, ok?” Sam nodded in agreement and Kurt moved to head downstairs, but a sudden impulse overtook Sam.

“Wait,” he said reaching out and grabbing Kurt’s hand at an awkward angle and squeezing it. There was so much he wanted to say, so many things he wanted explain to Kurt but he couldn’t, not when he couldn’t even explain them to himself properly, so he settled for what he could. “Seriously, thank you. You're like, the best friend I've ever had."

Kurt didn’t say anything at first, only stared at him with an expression that Sam couldn’t quite decipher and now Sam was afraid he’d ruined something, whatever balance he and Kurt had found after Kurt had returned to McKinley. But then Kurt smiled and squeezed back and things seemed ok again, at least for now. “Just wait until I get sick Evans, it’s rare but when it happens I am horrid.”

Sam laughed and said “It’s a deal,” and Kurt left the room and Sam got up to get ready and the moment was over. But Sam’s hand still tingled.

**

As Kurt threw together some food for breakfast (or really lunch at this point) he couldn't get Sam's last words out of his head. On the one hand, he couldn't help but be incredibly touched by what Sam said. No boy had ever called Kurt his best friend, and certainly not a boy like Sam. But it was also excruciating to see Sam lying in his bed (which admittedly was Kurt's own doing) saying these wonderful things to him.

Kurt _knew_ Sam meant more than what he was saying, he was certain of it. Kurt had shared some wonderful moments with Finn since they had become step-brothers, but none of them had felt anything like that. None of them had felt electric.

Yet apparently Sam was dating Mercedes now, or doing something with Mercedes at least. Neither Sam nor Mercedes had said anything to him (which stung more than he cared to admit), but Kurt wasn’t stupid, it was obvious they had been spending time together. And honestly, Kurt didn’t understand at all; Sam and Mercedes were both great, but even ignoring whatever was occasionally between him and Sam, Kurt couldn’t see any kind of real relationship between his two friends.

He was pulled out of his thoughts by the sound of Sam plodding down the stairs. “Smells good,” Sam said as he walked into the kitchen, dressed in some sweatpants and a fresh t-shirt that Kurt couldn’t help but notice fit him much better than Finn’s shirt.

“Can you even smell anything right now?” Kurt asked.

“A little bit. And your cooking always smells good, so I’m sure it’s true anyway. Can I help with anything?”

“Now that would defeat the purpose of this weekend, wouldn’t it? I’m almost done anyway, go get comfortable on the couch and I’ll bring in the food in a couple minutes.” Sam did as he was told and a few minutes later Kurt walked in with a couple of plates of eggs and toast and fruit, as well as a big glass of orange juice he placed in front of Sam.

They ate in companionable silence for a while, Sam practically inhaling his food after not having eaten for nearly a day. After his plate was nearly clean, Sam spoke up. “So are your parents going to be around, cause I don’t want to be in the way or anything.”

“No, Dad and Carole had been planning a romantic weekend away for a while now, so this actually worked out perfectly. And I think Finn and Rachel are going out after they’re done babysitting so he won’t be back until late tonight. So it’s just us for the day.” Kurt suddenly, irrationally, wondered if maybe that wasn’t what Sam wanted, that maybe he’d rather Kurt call Mercedes or some of the guys and invite them over. “Unless you want to call someone, I don’t care. It’s your recuperation day, so if you want someone else to come over, I don’t mind.”

“No, not at all; I can’t think of anything I’d rather do today than hang out with you.” There was that feeling again, that sense of _so much more_ underlying Sam’s words and Kurt didn’t know whether he wanted to embrace the other boy or strangle him.

“Well, it’s settled then. Since our options are limited with you still under the weather, I figured we’d have a bit of a movie marathon. Finn brought over what he thought were some of your favorites, though I’m going to have to insist on sprinkling in some of mine as well. I can only handle so much action and science fiction in one sitting.”

“That sounds more than fair. Can we start with Avatar though? It’s like my go-to feel better movie.”

Kurt rolled his eyes good-naturedly. “I’m pretty sure it’s your go-to movie for everything. It’s already in the DVD player.” Sam gave a little fist-pump in response and then they settled in to start the marathon.

**

Sam couldn’t remember having had a better day in a long time, certainly not since he’d moved to Ohio and away from everything he’d known. Even with a steady stream of sneezes and coughing fits throughout, spending an entire day just with Kurt had left him warm and happy and utterly content. He could almost (almost) imagine a life like this, evenings and weekends cuddled up with Kurt on a couch, playfully arguing over stupid movies; Kurt finding new recipes to cook and Sam trying to help but usually messing things up, but instead of getting frustrated they’d just crack up, sliding to the kitchen floor and laughing until they couldn’t breathe. It all seemed to be too good to be true, which for Sam meant it usually was. It was an amazing day and a wonderful dream, but even if he could someday get to a place where he could ask that of Kurt, Kurt was dating Blaine, and as best Sam could tell it seemed serious.

The front door opened and pulled Sam from his thoughts and he vowed not to dwell on them again and instead enjoy the rest of the time he had with Kurt. It was Finn and Rachel, back from babysitting Sam’s siblings and having dinner. Kurt had been in the kitchen getting some water so he had greeted them when they walked in and then got into some kind of discussion with Finn about the family’s plans for next weekend. Meanwhile Rachel wandered into the living room where Sam still was, greeting him and tiredly falling into the recliner. “Well, that was certainly an experience.How are you feeling Sam? You look much better than in Glee Club yesterday."

"I’m feeling a lot better, thanks. And thank you for helping out with all this, it's meant a lot." He was glad he had a chance to thank Rachel as well; even though Kurt had put all this together it wouldn’t have worked without Finn and Rachel giving up a lot of their weekend as well.

"Don't worry about it, Kurt did all the planning and setup and everything, I just played my part," Rachel said with a dramatic air and then a giggle. "But I really don't know how you keep up with both of them by yourself; I don't know what I would have done without Finn there."

Sam grinned at the thought of a terrified Rachel being chased by Stevie and Stacey. "You get used to it after a while and they’re good kids, at least most of the time."

"Finn's going to be a great father someday, I think." Rachel was staring at nothing at all when she said that (probably imagining the future Hudson-Berry children) but then refocused on Sam for her next words. "Kurt too, you know. He says he'd never want kids, but my Dads said that for a long time too. But his relationship with his father's too important for him not to want to pass it on."

Sam's earlier fantasy flashed again, this time including two little children, a boy and a girl, with them on the couch and at the dinner table; but he pushed it away again and returned to his conversation with Rachel. "I think they'll both be great parents," he said. "You too, for what it's worth."

"Thank s." Rachel yawned and then stood back up slowly. "Well, your little ones have tired me out, I think Finn and I are going to head upstairs." She moved to leave but paused at the couch, placing a hand on the armrest just beside Sam. "You know . . . I once told him you weren't worth it, but I was wrong. He really cares about you, though. However you feel or might feel about him, don't abuse that."

"I won't." Sam promised. The last thing Sam wanted was for Kurt to get hurt in any way. Whatever happened, Sam wanted Kurt to be happy, Kurt deserved that and so much more. Sam heard Rachel and then Finn head upstairs, followed by Kurt returning to the living room with the glass of water he'd originally left for. All of a sudden Sam was nervous at the prospect of being alone with Kurt, even though he’d been fine all day. It was like Rachel had charged him with something he didn't even understand.

Kurt sat back down where he’d been for most of the day on the couch. "Sorry about that, Finn was being well, Finn, and I explain things to him as usual. I hope Rachel didn't talk your ear off or try to pull you into one of her crazy ideas."

"Nah, it was fine, we, um, talked about kids actually." Sam mentally smacked himself, what was he even nervous about?

"Oh, Stevie and Stacey? You do have adorable siblings Sam. Did Rachel want to cast them for _Hansel and Gretel the Musical_ or something?" Kurt paused and then pulled out his phone. "Actually, that's not half bad let me just . . ." Kurt trailed off typing furiously.

"Actually, we weren't talking about those two; we were talking about having them. Kids, I mean." That grabbed Kurt's attention and he looked back up from his phone and at Sam.

"You know,” Kurt said in a serious voice. “Something like this already happened once to Finn, so I really must protest on his behalf."

It took Sam a second to understand what Kurt meant but Kurt could keep a hint of a smile off his face and it gave him away. "Ha ha ha, very funny. I meant in general, not with each other."

"Well I would hope so. I assume Rachel already has the Hudson-Berry clan planned out to a tee. What about you, planning a little slice of Americana for yourself, just like your parents?" Kurt's tone in his last question was odd, imbibed with something Sam couldn't quite place.

"Something like that. I'm pretty sure I'd want kids at some point, but beyond that my future feels pretty fuzzy right now." That was a hell of an understatement, Sam thought. "What about you, kids or no?"

"Oh I don't know," Kurt said as he slid down into the couch cushions. "If you'd asked me a year ago it would have been a no for sure. I didn't really have, well, the easiest childhood plus with being gay and all it just seemed like something I never needed or wanted to deal with.” Kurt was looking down now, playing with a loose string on the corner of the couch. Sam was pretty sure Kurt didn’t talk about things like this very often, so he wanted to try and keep the conversation going.

“So what’s changed? Obviously not being gay.” Sam turned slightly so that he could face Kurt straight on, and give him his full attention.

“When it was just me and my dad, we loved each other and everything, but it wasn’t really like a family; it was just two people trying to survive. But now with Carol and Finn here, I do kind of feel like a part of a real family, and it’s nice. Like maybe it’s something worth having.”

Sam could only imagine growing up with only one other family member, he hardly even remembered life before Stevie was born and both of his parents had always been there. “Yeah, family has always been super important to me. I’m glad you and your Dad found Carol and Finn, what the four of you have created is amazing.”

“Yeah. Anyway any talk of kids is a long, long way away for me. My career comes first, at least for a good while, and then of course I’d have to find somebody to have kids with since I am certainly not doing it on my own. And who knows what I’ll be thinking like 20 years from now anyway?”

Sam told himself not to ask. It was inappropriate and pointless and he bit into his cheek to try and stop himself but he just had to. “Somebody . . . like Blaine?”

Kurt laughed, actually laughed out loud at the idea of raising kids with Blaine and it was the most beautiful sound Sam had ever heard. “Um, no, Blaine has a lot of great qualities but I can’t imagine him being a father, certainly not with me. Oh god, just imagine those poor children.”

Sam was giddy, it didn’t matter that he was still getting over this illness, it didn’t matter that that his family was still piss poor, it didn’t matter that his life had mostly sucked the past year, it didn’t matter that none of what Kurt just said should matter to him at all. Kurt wanted a family but not with Blaine. With Blaine, it was laughable, literally laughable. “So then you don’t see yourself with Blaine long-term?”

“Maybe I did for a while, but not really anymore. Blaine’s great and it’s nice to be able to have a boyfriend and have a dating life like everyone else. But I guess I’m still a romantic at heart and ultimately I think staying with Blaine would feel a bit like settling. I still think there’s got to be something more. I don’t know, maybe I’m delusional.”

“Not at all, I think you’re absolutely right.” Kurt looked up at him and their eyes locked once more. Sam wanted to move closer, wanted to touch Kurt in a lot of different ways for a lot of different reasons but he felt frozen, unable to do or say anything, not yet ready to jump off a cliff. Finally, Kurt looked away again and Sam could breathe once more.

“It’s getting pretty late and you’re still under-the-weather, so I think we should probably get ready for bed.” Kurt got up and started throwing things away and picking up dishes to take to the kitchen. Sam sighed heavily and then got up to help.

**

The two boys headed upstairs and Kurt started on his (abbreviated) moisturizing routine while Sam changed and brushed his teeth in the bathroom. Their last conversation had really affected Kurt, though perhaps what was even stranger was how comfortable Kurt was talking to Sam about these things. He hadn’t told anyone that he didn’t really see himself with Blaine long-term anymore, but somehow it just slipped out around Sam. The whole day had just made Kurt more and more confident that something was happening between the two of them, even if neither of them had verbalized it. But not knowing exactly what had been killing him and if Sam stared at him like that one more time Kurt was going smack him.

“Hey, I just realized I don’t even know where you slept last night,” Sam said as he walked back in the bedroom.

“Oh, there’s a pull-out bed in the den, I just slept there. It was fine.”

“There’s no reason for me to kick you out of your bed Kurt, I can just sleep there instead.”

Kurt wasn’t surprised Sam was trying to give up the bed; he had expected it and had already prepared a response in advance. “Nope, don’t even try it. I felt that cot you called a bed for months at the motel and while you’re here you’re going to sleep in the most comfortable bed in the house, and that just happens to be mine. End of discussion.”

“Well, I think there’s another option that might work, too,” Sam said with a hint of nervousness lining his voice.

Kurt turned to face Sam once he had finished moisturizing. “And what’s that?”

Sam didn’t say anything for the longest time, but Kurt just waited, unwilling to give Sam an easy out this time. Eventually Sam spoke, or at least nervously babble out the words, “Um, do you maybe want to, uh, stayupherewithme?”

Kurt managed to decipher what Sam said and gaped at him. “You mean like . . .”

“I mean, it’s just like your bed and it’s really comfy and plenty big for both of us. It’d be cool, no big deal.” Sam was playing the part of the easy-going, ‘just being nice’ friend as well as ever, but Kurt had learned to see right through it. He just didn’t understand why Sam kept doing things like this but never actually going anywhere with it, never saying whatever it was he really wanted to say.

“I don’t know if that’s the best idea Sam.”

“Why not, I really don’t mind at all, it just makes sense.”

Sam wasn’t dropping it and Kurt just could not handle faux-friendly, hidden-deeper-meanings, longing-gazes bullshit for one more second and he snapped back at Sam. “Why? Why do you want this? Tell me really, tell me why you want me to stay up here with you, why you want me to sleep in the same bed with you.”

Sam shrunk back at Kurt’s words and Kurt was afraid disaster was looming, but then Sam seemed to settle himself. He closed his eyes for a moment and took a deep breath and then responded. “Because . . . I’ve felt really close to you all day and, and I liked feeling that way. I want to keep feeling that way, feeling connected to you.”

A real answer. It was a miracle, but now that he had one, Kurt wanted more. “Then why are you dating Mercedes? Or whatever it is you’re doing with her?”

Sam at least had the decency to look embarrassed, blushing slightly and scratching the back of his neck awkwardly. “Oh, you know about that?”

Kurt rolled his eyes in exasperation. “I’m not stupid Sam, contrary to what the two of you apparently believe, I notice things about my friends.”

“It’s not like that, the only reason we didn’t tell anyone is because it’s not like a big deal. It’s not serious or whatever, for either of us, and if the club knew it’d turn into this whole big drama.”

“Then what are you guys doing? Why bother if you’re not even invested?”

Sam sat down on the bed and hung his head a bit at that. When he spoke again his voice was much softer and tinged with sadness. “Cause everybody has somebody. Finn and Rachel, Puck and Lauren, Mike and Tina, Brittany and Artie, Santana and Karofsky. You and Blaine. It’s nice with Mercedes, she’s fun and it’s easy and we have a good time together. It’s been a hard year and it’s nice to have something to look forward to sometimes.”

“Fine, whatever, fair enough. But don’t you want more, didn’t you just agree with me on that? Don’t you want something with somebody where you can say more than ‘we have a good time together’ and ‘it’s easy?’”

“Of course I do. You don’t think I want to love somebody the way Finn loves Rachel? I’m a romantic at heart too, you know, I want those same things you do, but it’s not that easy.”

“Well, don’t you think maybe you could have that with . . . with . . .” All the annoyance and frustration had drained out of Kurt by now, and he was only left with the fear that if he finished the sentence as he had intended, everything would change between him and Sam, probably forever.

There were tears in Sam eyes now and his voice was barely audible but Kurt still heard every word. “Just say it Kurt, _please_ just say it.”

“With someone like me?” Kurt sat down beside Sam on the bed and grabbed one of Sam’s hands and held it tightly between his own. “I think we could Sam, I think we could love each other like Finn and Rachel do. We could have that something more we both talked about. Like today, wasn’t today wonderful?”

Sam wiped at his eyes. “Yes, one of the best days of my life.”

“Then why not every day? You come over after school, we do homework, you stay for dinner; or I come over there, help you babysit the kids, we make out on the couch after they’ve gone to bed. We can have that, it’s all right there.” Kurt was about to make himself cry at his own words but tried to stay composed since one of them had to.

They sat there for a while, Sam’s hand still tightly enclosed in Kurt’s, tears occasionally falling from Sam’s face. Kurt didn’t know what else to say, after laying everything out there, so he stayed quiet. Eventually Sam started answering him. “I want that too, so much, but it’s not that simple for me. Being gay is like, the cause of your life. And I admire you so much for that and you’re going to like change the world, I just know it. But it’s not that easy when people are counting on you. My dad’s new job is _barely_ paying for the apartment. What if it got around that I was dating a guy and I got fired or something? Or _he_ got fired for having a faggot for a son? That still happens; you can’t tell me it doesn’t. What am I supposed to tell Stacey, sorry you’re eating Ramen for dinner, but hey, I’ll be at my boyfriend’s? And I can’t put all this on my parents, not right now.”

Kurt could feel his heart breaking with every word Sam said, both because of Sam’s words and because he knew Sam wasn’t really wrong. Kurt couldn’t promise Sam that everything would be ok if he came out and started dating him; Kurt knew that better than anyone. But he couldn’t just give up so easily.

“You’re sixteen Sam, you’re not an adult, you’re not supposed to carry all this around on your shoulders. Your family would want you to be happy. We could deal with these things together. I know what it’s like to have to be the adult sometimes too, but my Dad would help us, Mr. Schue and Glee Club would help us.”

“I know and I want to, so badly, but I just can’t, not yet. If my mom finds a job or my dad gets promoted or something and we can get just a little more settled, then I will.” Sam turned to Kurt and switched their hands so that Kurt’s were now held in his. “I know I haven’t shown you much yet, I haven’t been the kind of person you deserve, but I will. I’ll make you proud, I promise.”

God, was this how it was supposed to feel? He thought love would mean joy and happiness and laughter, not the emptiness of Blaine’s words or the agonizing pain of Sam’s. Because Sam was everything, everything he’d always wanted and instead of kissing Sam silly he had to sit here and accept these infuriating facts about the world they lived in and hope that the someday Sam promised would actually arrive. “That’s what makes this so hard, Sam, you already make me proud.” And at this point Kurt figured why not just twist the dagger in his heat a little more. “And I’ll stay here tonight, with you, if you still want me to.”

They didn’t say anything else because there didn’t seem to be anything else to say, at least for now. Kurt went and changed and when he returned Sam had already gotten in bed, lying off to one side so that Kurt had plenty of room. Kurt turned off the light and slipped into the bed and under the covers as well, wondering if this was the only time he’d fall asleep beside Sam or the first of many.

There was space between them, enough space that neither one felt like they were doing anything inappropriate. But Sam’s hand was lying between them casually and Kurt couldn’t stop himself from placing his own on top of Sam’s and Sam didn’t pulled away. “I just . . . I wish everything wasn’t so hard,” Sam whispered in the quiet darkness that now surrounded them.

“I know, Sam, I know.” Sam was quiet after that and eventually they both fell asleep, hands still touching in the space between their bodies.

**

Sam woke for the second day, again with a strangely comfortable pillow and mattress, but this time he remembered exactly where he was. The sight of Kurt sleeping soundly only a foot away from him was enough to shake him wide awake almost immediately. Sam always thought Kurt was beautiful, but in this moment he took Sam’s breath away, with beautifully messed up hair falling onto perfect skin, all framed by a peaceful expression Sam saw all too rarely when Kurt was awake.

As he lay in bed, watching Kurt sleep, Sam pondered the conversation between the two of them last night, perhaps the first real honest conversation they’d ever had. Kurt knew things now, things Sam had never admitted to anyone, not even to himself until recently. He hadn’t jumped off a cliff, but he’d certainly gone up to the edge and looked over. And Kurt was there, and Kurt had offered to catch him, or at least make the fall easier.

He was going to, he was going to jump - Sam knew that now, maybe not today or tomorrow but soon. The very real possibility that Kurt would be with him after everything was over was more than enough incentive. The only thing holding him back now was his family. They were the only people in his life more important than Kurt, and he just needed to let their lives calm down a little bit before he blew it all up again. But Kurt was right, he needed to be happy too, they both did, and he couldn’t put that off forever.

“Morning,” Kurt said and Sam realized Kurt was awake and was now staring back at him. They could do this now, look at each other and it wasn’t weird or confusing anymore, even if it was still a little sad. “Did you sleep ok?”

“Yeah, you?”

“Yeah.” Sam didn’t know what else to say and apparently neither did Kurt so they just kept quiet, taking in the opportunity to lie there together, not knowing when it might happen again. Eventually, though, the silence was pierced by the ringing of Kurt’s cell phone.

“That’s Finn's ringtone, I should get it,” Kurt said apologetically. He rolled over to answer it and Sam could tell from Kurt’s side of the conversation that something was going on. Sam was already throwing his stuff into the bag Finn had brought by the time Kurt had hung up the phone.

“Hey, don’t freak out or anything, but Rachel thinks Stacey’s come down with the same thing you had. It’s not too bad, but she has a fever, so Rachel thought they should take her to the doctor but— ”

“But they’ll need a family member there, I know, the same thing happened with Stevie a few months ago. Can you drive me over there?”

“Of course, you don’t even need to ask.” The two of them dressed quickly and were out the door a few minutes later, a quiet weekend suddenly forgotten.

**

They arrived at the clinic after a quiet fifteen minute car ride. Sam was silent during the ride and Kurt wasn’t sure what to say, so he kept quiet as well. It was quite a frustrating note to end the weekend on, being pulled by the same forces Kurt was trying to get Sam away from. But they couldn’t very well ignore Stacey’s health and as Sam had shown time and again, sometimes things just had to be done.

They parked and Sam moved to get out, but Kurt put a hand on Sam’s arm to stop him. “Wait Sam, just a second. I know you’re worried about Stacey, but I just wanted to say that what happened last night meant a lot to me. Thank you for being honest and there’s no pressure on my end. Take all the time you need.”

Sam smiled and grabbed the hand on his arm with his own. “I know and I meant all of it. Things are going to work out; I believe that now, because of you. Thank you, for everything.”

Kurt couldn’t exactly remember who moved first, but suddenly their lips were meeting eagerly between the seat and hands were pulling each other closer, as close as they could be in the front seat of a car. The kiss was sloppy and imperfect and Kurt was dating Blaine and Sam was seeing Mercedes and it would probably be months before Sam was ready to come out, but in that moment Kurt didn’t care about any of it because for the first time since Karofsky started focusing on him seven months ago he felt ALIVE. He felt like Kurt Hummel again, like the clouds had parted and the sun shone down on the world as it once was and would be again.

All too soon the kiss ended (though the new feelings didn’t) and Sam opened the car door and got out. But before he went inside he turned and looked back at the Nav, at Kurt. He didn’t do anything; he just looked back, locked eyes with Kurt for a moment, and then headed inside. And as Kurt turned the car back on and headed out, he felt at peace.

 

 


End file.
